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GoodFellas
We help our listeners discover what it means to be a modern man. We focus on how to heal and grow past mental, physical, and emotional traumas. The goal at GoodFellas is to provide men with the tools for us to thrive, not just survive.
Episodes release weekly on Thursday at 2am PST/5 am EST.
Throughout the show we invite the audience to meet some interesting and impressive humans who have navigated some of the deepest valleys as they journey to some of the highest peaks. Join me, Hosea Chanchez, as we seek to discover the GOOD in humanity and uncover some of the secrets to living a purpose-filled life.
About the Host:
Hosea Chanchez is a prominent actor, producer, and director, from Montgomery, Alabama. Soon after graduating high school, he relocated to Los Angeles, California to pursue acting. He immediately began booking commercial roles which kickstarted his career, where he has found long-lasting success.
He has appeared on shows like Girlfriends, Black Lightning, and All American, but is best known for his starring role as the quarterback football player, Malik Wright, on the CW/BET sitcom, The Game, and its 2021 revival.
Hosea has built an impressive career over the years and a large fanbase as a result. He started his company, A Very Good Company, in 2022 to provide black men and women with luxury products, reliable services, and quality content.
GoodFellas
Ep 106: Flowers for My Father: A Live Conversation on Hyper-Masculinity
What happens when the presence of Black fathers is celebrated, and their stories are shared? Join filmmaker Jermaine Davis as he reveals the inspiration behind his poignant film that challenges stereotypes and highlights the diverse narratives of Black fatherhood. Alongside hosts Hosea Chanchez and Dr. Isaiah Pickens, Jermaine opens up about growing up without a father and the impactful male figures who shaped his life. This heartfelt discussion emphasizes the importance of normalizing Black fatherhood and dismantling pervasive myths, offering listeners a fresh perspective on these often overlooked stories.
We also explore the mental and emotional challenges Black men face, with practical strategies for healing and empowerment. From self-compassion and therapy to prayer and meditation, our hosts provide actionable advice for achieving mental balance. The episode delves into the inspiring journey of Corey Jacobs, who overcame extreme adversity, demonstrating the power of resilience and community support. Tune in for candid reflections and powerful messages aimed at uplifting and empowering our listeners.
It is exhausting living right Just every day, moving through things existing, and part of the exhaustion comes from us having very narrow ways of thinking about who we are. So part of the way I recharge myself is expanding how I see myself.
Speaker 2:Goodfellas is a simple mental space to heal and grow by a black man. For everyone who's listening, I'm Hosea Chanchez and this is Goodfellas. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Hosea Chanchez and this is the Goodfellas podcast. I am your host, hosea Chanchez, thank you. And this brother to my far left is my co-host, that's Dr Isaiah Pickens. What's up y'all? And the gentleman in the center here is today's guest.
Speaker 2:Jermaine Davis has written, created and shot a wonderful film about black fathers, what it means to be a black father, what it means to be a diverse black father in so many ways, and Jermaine's film is, in some ways, really gut-wrenching. My father personally wasn't around in my life, so I've always had an affinity for black men who actually show up for their kids, and although we know now, the older you get, that a lot of these concepts are myths, because there are many, many, many black men who are showing up for their children and there are many black men who aren't in or from broken homes, and your film has allowed us, allowed me, to see things a lot differently. You have fathers in your film who are from broken homes themselves, from both parental in the home, gay fathers and fathers who have been incarcerated and just wanting to do better for themselves. Intentional fathers, not accidental fathers, intentional and these men, man, are some fascinating brothers. They all have a through line in your film of the desire to not create a broken home, to not become a statistic and for their children to be as successful as they can by way of having a father in their home. That is an incredible through line for a film, especially from the eyes of a black man. So, ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for this brother, jermaine Davis, who Thank you, thank you, thank you, jermaine.
Speaker 2:You created an incredible work of art. Man. I know you now, you being shy. See you the people's champ.
Speaker 2:You everybody that comes through these doors, you are the people's champ advocating for everybody else, don't you?
Speaker 3:dare try to get shy on me. I'm used to being shy. We're giving you your flowers, brother. I appreciate it. Yeah, I mean, this has definitely been a labor of love, for sure, but I honestly feel like it's a way to pay homage to, like, the men in my family, as you mentioned. Your dad wasn't there. My dad wasn't there either, but I also feel like life is about choices. Am I going to keep talking about my dad not being there, or am I going to recognize the men in the barbershop, the men in the Pell Center, at the school teachers, my uncles, my mom's male friends, you know, in spite of my dad not being there, she made an active choice to build a community of men that could still pour into me and be present, and I'm forever grateful for that Forever grateful.
Speaker 2:So tell us, where are you from, brother? How did you get here?
Speaker 3:I'm from Baltimore. Maryland Grew up on the East Coast.
Speaker 1:Shout out. He's looking at me because I'm from Southeast DC. We're really beefing right now. We're neighbors.
Speaker 3:DC loves to beef with Baltimore. I don't know why but, you know, I'm just the messenger. I always say I always say. I always say Baltimore, dc and Philly, same daddy, different mama, because the culture and the cities are all the same. You're so real because my dad.
Speaker 1:he's from Philly and he grew up in Philly, and so he had to have his head on. You don't even have to say much. He grew up in Philly.
Speaker 3:You have to experience it to really understand that. You know that already. I do yeah.
Speaker 1:But one of the things I loved about your film that really struck me was the photographer, robin, who did the book on fathers, and part of the reason why she wanted to do a book on fathers was because her husband one day was just pushing his carriage and everyone was like, oh my God, you're such a great father. And the way that it came across was this is an anomaly, this isn't what men, particularly black men, do, and she wanted to paint a picture of this is an anomaly. This isn't what men, particularly black men, do, and she wanted to paint a picture of this is normal within our community very much, so normal everyday activity.
Speaker 1:Yeah and that resonated with me because my, my father was like my father, was very present, but he also grew up in a very dangerous environment, so it was very protective in many ways. Um, in ways that, uh, we know you have to be, especially with young black boys growing up in.
Speaker 4:DC.
Speaker 1:Baltimore, Philadelphia, the holy trifecta and so I wanted to ask you what inspired you to really normalize fathers being present, Because I think that was beautiful about your film.
Speaker 3:So going back to I believe this is like during the pandemic I had enrolled back into school back at Howard in DC. Shout out to HU All right, tiki.
Speaker 2:You know you're in California. Come on, man.
Speaker 3:There's always one, it's always one but it's always a million of us. But during the pandemic, just being able to see these different experiences while we were in lockdown and how people really took an opportunity to really relish with their families, but again, as Robert mentioned, while you're just doing everything, everyday things, with your family, people outside of our community, you know they reviewed it as a monopoly or something that was so foreign. You know it's not a bald ego, it's just a man being a father. Same thing that happens in the Jew community happens in white communities, but for whatever reason, when black men show up in this capacity, it's like a high regard. So I took into account of that.
Speaker 3:I did my thesis film on this. I followed Sadiq Ali in Baltimore and really got an opportunity to hear his passion for being a dad. He did this community organization in Baltimore on Father's Day weekend called the Black Dads Rally, had the Mayor Brandon come out, but also he provided the resources that black fathers needed when we look at the disparities between black moms and black dads, from Mother's Day, where you can't get a reservation in sight because everybody is showing up for mom, but Father's Day comes, you got dad on the grill and you give him a tie and go about his day. So the energy that's already just reciprocated is not actually reciprocated. And I said in the beginning of my film shout out to black moms and black women, because without them we can't tell this story. And it's not about taking credit away from black women, but we also have to understand, we have to pour into black men, black fathers, if we want them to be. You know, we want them to show up and to be vibrant when they're showing up. We have to pour into them. Seeing the reflection from the community when black men saw a healthy reflection in themselves.
Speaker 3:Now I love reality TV, but their goal is not to show our reality. It is our responsibility to tell our stories. We I mean we've seen for years that they are not trusted to tell our stories. Stop relying on the media to tell our stories. The media was not created to tell our stories. It's our responsibility. And I just got tired of people talking about. You know what others in the industry were or were not doing, and I'm just very much. Either you're going to be part of the problem or part of the solution.
Speaker 2:Amen to that brother, I just created it Beautiful.
Speaker 3:I just created a community. Two of my peers from school, you know, we shot it and all of the subjects in the film. I didn't have to cast anyone, everyone was presented to me. On Shay I knew through another friend of mine. I met one of the subjects here at the gathering spot, another one, my uncle back home and connected me to, and the other was my barber. So it's literally people in my community, all in South LA LA, and just talking to them. We had an interview where I just got to know who they are and they just really were passionate about being a present dad and what that looked like for each one of them was different, but how? As you mentioned, all of the stories all had that one common intersection, which was just to show up and be a dad.
Speaker 2:Man well, yeah, yeah, y'all can clap for that, because thank you so much for taking the time and having the thought to intentionally do something, because I believe that in life, in order to know where you're going, you have to do things intentionally. I think we all have to set benchmarks in our lives and accomplish things, just so we know that we're headed in the right direction.
Speaker 3:That's the African proverb saying Kofa know your past so you can know your future. Amen, and I think just even within the history of television and film, somewhere along the way we've kind of gotten off course with telling our stories. But you know, there's no better present, there's no better time than the present to tell your stories.
Speaker 1:right and and to that point one, the things we didn't get to see, the whole clip from the professor, y'all got to go back. He is dropping knowledge.
Speaker 2:Oh man he is. I knew it was serious when I saw that instant. I was like is he smoking a cigar? I was like, oh no. Then I was like, oh, it's an instant.
Speaker 1:I was like oh, I better listen. It's an instant. Let me tell you something. Come here, let me tell you something.
Speaker 2:Come here. You know, y'all know that energy. You know who he is right off the bat.
Speaker 1:I was like, oh, he's about to be real. But what I loved about him was he drew the lineage of how we understand family. So he talked about the, that scarcity mentality. But what he goes on to say is, if you look at, our idea of family from africa is an abundance mentality, because the father wasn't tied to just the house, your riches were tied to your amount of people that you took care of your community. Amount of money you had and so people could be fathers without necessarily having to be biologically connected to someone.
Speaker 1:And so the idea of being absent. How can you be absent if you're taking care of all of these people?
Speaker 3:The community itself.
Speaker 1:The community itself right, and so it was a really interesting kind of reframe of this idea of what it means to be absent and present. And I wonder, just from your perspective, what are some of your hopes that we as an audience take from this film around promoting what it means to be present fathers?
Speaker 3:One find your community. This film, my why for this film is just to build community. So for me, I'm not a dad biologically, but my sister has two kids. Those are my nieces, those are my babies, and they understand the role that I have with them. They already understand that when Uncle Mane comes in the house, mackenzie knows she's going to get naked to do them dishes. Maya knows Stop running around the house screaming and making all that noise. But it's really instilling those values as well because, again, we're part of the community.
Speaker 3:I'm blessed to have nieces I don't want kids, because you know, and I'm blessed for them.
Speaker 3:But also just when I look at my other friends who have kids, and how we've all grown up together and now I see some of them in college and how they call me for advice, how they call me for grocery money. So it's still a blessing and I'm very proud because I see that they're able to trust me with their children and they're able to say hey, listen, I'm going out of town, can you handle this? Not a problem, let me know what I can do. But also, again, as Dr Carr in the film mentioned, when you look at the definition of family, how everything is skewed to whiteness. But when we look at the definition of family, when you're going home, when you're going home, when you're going back to the motherland, how you have an expectation. Whether we're in the kitchen or whether you're outside cleaning up, everyone has a responsibility. And what that responsibility looks like, even though you're not the father, biologically, or the mom, you're a part of this community and you have an obligation to make sure that others in this community are taken care of. Amen.
Speaker 2:So, and to benchmark our conversation right here, to ask a question too about today's times, that's one of the things that I've learned, that this new generation of young people. It's almost as if you can't be a village leader to them, because everybody wants their own agency. Don't talk to my kids, don't? And and I mean I'm an 80s baby, so when I grew up, your, your neighbors could whoop your ass.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean. Like anybody and everybody can get it, you get snatched up. And not only is the neighbor gonna snatch you up, then she's gonna tell your mama, that's right. My mom's gonna be like what did you do?
Speaker 2:yeah, exactly but now you, we're at a place in society where that really doesn't exist, and I don't want to make anything an absolute, but it doesn't exist as far as the communities that I've traveled through and my families and friends. So, in a way, we don't have our communities as safe spaces as we used to. So how do black and brown children grow in today's society, have a healthy mindset, with all the potential in the world that they have to be successful at their fingertips of society and technology, but there's no village anymore. There is, though. Okay, there is, and I understand your intent.
Speaker 3:The village is not as permanent and it's not as vigilant as it used to be because, again, everyone's their own agency. But also in the times where you know everyone is not safe to be a part of that village within your community. I've been blessed, even you know, moving here where I've had friends and we've become community and it's already. It's an unspoken language, because you know who you can trust, you know who you can rely on for support, you know who you can rely on to pick your kids up, and just you know those minute things. It's really just feelings that you have to feel and I think growing up in the 80s, as we did, that was more of a prevalent energy that was already out there.
Speaker 3:The neighbor was automatically going to pick up the slack. It was trust. It was trust. Yeah, we trusted each other, and somewhere along the line that trust has been, you know, I won't say dismantled, but it's been shaken.
Speaker 2:Well, I think we should be honest, because it has been dismantled. Unless are there people out here that don't think it's been dismantled, raise your hand. So not one person in this room. So we can all collectively agree that trust has been dismantled in our communities. So you are the type of brother that you build community intentionally. You intentionally build and this is your sauce like. This is what it's, not that it doesn't exist. It actually does exist, but you're intentional about it. So how we help young people acquire a piece of what you have is by explaining to them that you must be intentional. The community is there because God ain't gone.
Speaker 3:I don't care what it looks like. So your people are always here. He's within you Wherever you go, he is within you, for sure.
Speaker 2:So we have to be, as young people, intentional about finding our tribe. It's so true Like-minded people find like-minded people. There's a connected tissue in this room for all of us. There is something that brought us all here and that we all have in common. We have more in common than we don't. So how do we build a bridge to commonality? So, young people, young men and, specifically for this show, young black men, know that there is a community for you and that you are not alone in this journey, isaiah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I wanted to touch on something that I really felt was powerful from one of the fathers. To create that community. It's creating spaces where people don't feel judged and where shame isn't guiding your decisions, because when shame is guiding your decisions, you want to hide, and if you hide, you're not creating community. And so how do we create places where we give each other permission to be vulnerable? Right, and I think, because we've had to fight so much historically and being strong and dealing with, you know, systemic oppression, dealing with racism, dealing with so many factors, it's hard to turn that off, it's hard to bring down that wall. And so then we come into community with each other's like I don't know if I can bring that wall down yet.
Speaker 1:I still don't trust you and the way that I think we start doing that and I want to throw it to you, jermaine, with this is creating spaces where we create permissions for folks to dip their toe in the water a little bit, share some things that they may not normally share around how they're doing. I know for myself. I've started to share with some of my friends. I'm feeling like this is a moment of I feel kind of low right now. I feel a little depressed about something. I may not know exactly what it is, but just putting that out there. When I was younger I wouldn't have thought of saying anything like that, because I don't want you to clown me, I don't want you to think I'm weak. But practicing that and then seeing my brothers show up for me, that starts to build that trust, and so I'm wondering, from your perspective, how do we start to dip our toe in the water as men in that space?
Speaker 3:I was going to say that it just starts by being transparent. I know it's easier said than done and I know it seems scary For me. I go where the love is right, but I also like to test people. I want to be vulnerable with you and share my scars and if you judge me on those scars now, I know I can't vibe with you and that's fine with me. I can put you to the side and I can go where this person has all the love in the world for me.
Speaker 3:Because one thing I don't do at this age and stage of my life I'm not going to walk on eggshells and feel like I can't trust somebody. I'm a very black and white person. We either all in or we all out, and I'm fine with either or. But you have to be vulnerable and allow people to show you what they're made of. I mean, if they drop you, they drop you. It's not the end of the world and I tell people my story all the time so they can understand just how I tell people all the time. I feel like the Cynthia doll on Rugrats the way I've been mollywhacked throughout life and drug everywhere. But it's just like I'm here. I'm still here, I'm still kicking, I'm still thriving.
Speaker 2:And it's just like I'm here. I'm still here.
Speaker 3:I'm still kicking, I'm still thriving and you know, what doesn't kill you really makes you stronger. It really does, it really does. You have to really reach into that bag and find your source of energy, even in the negative. My grandmother said, always in negativity be like a newborn on a mom and milk the hell out of that too. You have to find that strength, because no one's going to give you anything.
Speaker 3:You're going to look crazy being a Debbie Downer and no one wants the vibe with that energy. You got to pick yourself up out of the bootstraps that they said, but also find your why. For me, I know my why in life. It's to build community, to share my story so that others, especially black men, can find a source of you know, source of energy within themselves. Amen.
Speaker 2:And so on that note too, there are a couple of things in my notes that I really wanted to talk to you guys about. One in piggyback riding what you said. If you don't know this, it's imperative that you know that God uses everything in your life. It doesn't matter who you are. God uses every single thing that you go through to advance you forward. It literally is a blueprint. It's almost as scientific and law-based as gravity. Every single thing that you go through, god uses it for the betterment of your life. To back up exactly what you're saying so God wastes nothing. We waste nothing in this experience, which is ultimately what you're saying. So God wastes nothing. We waste nothing in this experience, which is ultimately what you're saying. And now I really wanna shift to, because both of you guys just brought up something that's one of my topics today that I'd like to address.
Speaker 2:As black men and I know all men can identify with this I know black women can identify with what I'm about to say. But today's times and you guys touched on this it is absolutely exhausting to be a black man. It is exhausting to be a person of color period. You ain't got to clap if you don't believe in it, but it is literally exhausting to have to think about your existence every day, and I know for your moms out here in the audience it's got to be exhausting wondering if your kids are going to make it home. It's tiring being a human of color, it's exhausting.
Speaker 2:And I don't believe that God intended us, for us to have to focus on our race all the time. But this is the world and the systems that we're in, so we're born free. No man is above the none of us. We're all equal, whether anybody wants to acknowledge it or not, we're all equal. How and what tools do you brothers use to calm the exhaustion? Because, man, I'm up at 530 every day, and not just because of my day, but because of everything we have to fight through just to get to my thoughts. Every damn day. I got to get through everybody else's ether-ish. And I get up at 530 because the world is still quiet and it's the time where I can just deal with myself, my agenda, I am my god, where I'm going in my life and and I I used to be able to sleep to like 12 o'clock in the afternoon.
Speaker 2:Let me tell you and I prided myself on being like, I can sleep, but through necessity, because of where society is and being a human being, we adapt, and so now I've adapted to getting up at 530, because that's the only place I can find some damn peace. So that's my way to try to salvage my mentality and my mental and be as positive as I can for the people in my life and for myself every day. But it is exhausting. So what tools do you guys use to temper the exhaustion? Or are you just as exhausted and still looking for answers too? Isaiah, you go first, brother.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, it is exhausting, living right Just every day, moving through things existing, and part of the exhaustion comes from us having very narrow ways of thinking about who we are. So part of the way I recharge myself is expanding how I see myself, expanding how I connect with my identity as, yes, a black person, as a man, as a person of faith, as a person who's passionate about my career, as someone who's giving to the world. Being able to really expand how I'm valuing myself has allowed me to, and I've seen this. So the doctors for I'm a psychologist, I know they're like what kind of doctor? Is he Orthopedics? Talking about this?
Speaker 3:Dr Dre.
Speaker 1:But I work with people all the time who so much pressure that they deal with is because their expectations are so limited around one thing, and there's such a specific definition of what success looks like.
Speaker 1:I've expanded what my definition of success looks like so it gives me more space to move, gives me more space to move, gives me more space to operate and the other piece around it that that has helped me and I don't think we talk about this enough is I've learned to really embrace on a daily basis self-compassion. I think we move through the world being so hard on ourselves and we don't give ourselves the compassion that that ability and what compassion is is being able to recognize pain and then do something to alleviate it. That's different than empathy. Empathy is knowing that pain is there but you're not doing something to alleviate it, and so when you actually practice self-compassion, you can attach that to some of these specific identities that you have a narrow expectation around and make it so that you put less pressure on it because you recognize that pain and you give yourself the freedom to show up differently, and so by being able to be targeted around that, that's what helps recharge me when I'm feeling exhausted.
Speaker 2:That's a gem right there, baby, for sure. Oh, yes, I mean, that's a good start.
Speaker 3:But definitely for me, it's definitely meditation and therapy. I need black men to understand you have to go to therapy, you have to. It's nothing to be afraid of. But once you get in there and you find that right person that meshes with you, it's very reaffirming, because all the things that you talk in therapy about that you question yourself about, it's really affirming who you are and walking in your truth. But again, just having a space to be vulnerable, to be authentic and to just show up as yourself.
Speaker 3:As black people, we always have to show up as a version of what people expect us to be. I don't feel people's expectations. If you have an expectation for me, I feel sorry for you because I'm not going to fulfill it. Because now, because now I have to fulfill your expectation along with fulfilling mine and I'm going to fulfill mine before I fulfill yours, and that's just what's going to keep me grounded, keep me level, keeping people around me who not just keep me grounded but also who pray for me.
Speaker 3:That's a big thing for me. I have friends who will literally pray for me and that, right there, supersedes anything that anyone can do for me. Because, talking to the higher power, now we're really being intentional, being in tune with how do we remedy the things that we're going through and also stop running away from your past. I was a person who would run away from my past so much, but it's something very powerful about showing up and saying you know what this is, what it is. You can get with this or you can get with that, but I promise you, this is where it's at.
Speaker 1:That's that therapy talk. You're doing a little ab you got to.
Speaker 2:Oh, these are a bunch of healed Negroes in here.
Speaker 3:Yep, I use my insurance. I'm using that insurance, hosea, like I'm in pain.
Speaker 1:Tell me something. I'm in pain. I don't want a trauma bond no more.
Speaker 3:And that's what we do A lot of times as black people. We will bond over trauma and all you're doing is just, you're just dipping yourself in and out of trauma. It's like a corn dog. You're just dipping yourself more and more and it's just like, mentally, I'm overwhelmed, I'm overstimulated, I'm like I don't want to do this, but it's realizing. You know what. I don't have to do this also, you know, for me specifically I was talking to a friend of mine about that when you recognize the curses in your family's past, I'm like you know what I'm not doing, that I've told my mom, I've told my grandmother, like y'all can continue to.
Speaker 3:You know, bask in that. That don't do nothing for me. I don't want no parts of it, because I deserve better. My friends deserve better, because when I take care of myself, I I can show up for them authentically. But I'm also able to spread love and give love. And you can't do that when you're running away from your past, when you're not healing yourself and not, you know, just coping and healing and things that are not healthy, because we know what that looks like but really taking the time to find a therapist and it's not, you know, you find the first one and then you're in it. You know I had to go through four or five therapists before I found the one that meshed with me. It's like when you're getting a pair of Jordans. You know Every style is not going to be the style you want, but you got to find out what that looks like for you, you got to find your fit.
Speaker 3:You got to find your fit, you got to find your flow and I think for me, I know for me, going to therapy, as I look back on my life how that's helped me to not just heal myself but also heal relationships from the past but also set boundaries too.
Speaker 2:I'm even willing to say that it's an illusion to believe that you can heal any relationship if you're not healed yourself.
Speaker 3:No, way possible.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, no way possible, yeah yeah, and I think that's the thing that the therapy core of what, the belly of what you guys talking about, is asking for reaching for help and knowing and identifying that there is an issue in your life.
Speaker 2:But that is your job and a lot of times it takes us a long time to realize. I pride myself as being a very logical person in some ways, but the simplicity of me having to show up for myself, I missed it for a very long time in my life Because society has taught me that I'm supposed to provide for my family at all costs. You know, and nobody gives a damn if you have a headache or you have to work as a man to provide for yourself, not just physically. You have to work for spiritual, you know providence in your life. Everything we have we have to work for. However, somewhere along the line sometimes it feels like those things we take for granted, like it would just be downloaded into us, but everything we acquire in this life we have to work for. And the sooner you get that as a man it doesn't matter what color you are, but specifically and especially a black man the sooner you realize you have to work for everything you acquire, the better we'll be.
Speaker 3:But also realizing that you don't have to live up to society's expectations also alleviates that stress and that pain too. That's right. And finding out exactly what your family needs and what providing for your family looks like as well. Regardless of what society says, as a man, you have to show up and take care of the family. We're in 2024 now, so if you're going to go 50-50 in your house, you go 50-50 in your house. You got to figure out what works for you, because the longer we continue to try to conform to society's norms, the more uphill battle we have to fight. What works for you may not work for me, and that's fine. And it's realizing that it's fine.
Speaker 2:Carving your own path Carving your own path.
Speaker 3:People say it all the time, but there is power in not caring about what others think of you, and I think that's where the journey really begins. You have to find your why in yourself and use that as your driving force, not society.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that's such a great point and one of the things that I think we have to understand, especially with your film to be present for others, you have to be present for yourself, and I mean really present for yourself, because you brought up meditation, I meditate as well really present for yourself, because you brought up meditation, I meditate as well and it's something newer for me, but it has completely shifted the way I operate in the world. I didn't realize how much I was going through the world disconnected from my body, just like push, push, push. I'm not paying attention to what I'm feeling or I'm thinking or what I'm doing. I'm just like push, push, push, and then I'm sick, and then I'm like not present with people in my life. And all of this is happening and I'm like it must be.
Speaker 1:I have too much work on my plate. I have you make all these other reasons, but you aren't being present enough with your body. And when I started to meditate, part of what I was able to do is I was able to sit in my body long enough to know the things that I was carrying, that I didn't realize I was carrying all that time and what we know about being present. When you're not present in your body, you're often in your mind, and your mind is usually focused on the regrets of the past or worries of the future. So the more you get connected to your body, the more it takes you out of your mind. So you can be present in this moment, for yourself and for others For sure.
Speaker 2:That's deep and there is a specific difference between prayer and meditation. Specifically, can you give us the difference, the intentional difference to what meditation is versus us praying?
Speaker 1:So, first of all, both of them have similar impacts on your brain. So your brain is designed in a way where, when you feel threat, it's called your limbic system, your amygdala it starts to activate and so it protects you. It puts you in this stress response. What you want to really be able to support is practicing or reprogramming your brain, that frontal load, prefrontal cortex, to be able to calm things down when it's not actually stressful situations, where there's not actually threatening situations. Both prayer and meditation allows you to read situations more clearly because you're not making these snap judgments. You're actually reprogramming your brain in a way. But in terms of actually the acts of prayer and meditation, I do both. I'm a person of faith and I pray and I meditate, and part of what prayer does is it allows you to connect with something higher than yourself and it's kind of this outward experience.
Speaker 1:It's still in many ways allowing you to be within yourself, but in connection with something higher. Meditation allows you to in many ways go deeper within yourself and really be present with all aspects, and there's lots of different types of meditation, but that difference, I think, helps you have many options for how you deal with situations.
Speaker 2:So that helps us connect with ourselves. Meditation helps us connect with ourselves and prayer helps us connect with God or our higher power.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you could put it like that, and I think both have their benefits. But I think, going back to our earlier point, we can't get pigeonholed in one way to heal.
Speaker 1:We have to really and these conversations are important because I don't know a lot of brothers sitting around talking about meditation and how they you know and we need to normalize some of these conversations like you going home and you getting wasted, you're not sure what's going on and not to say we don't all deal with those things we all like to turn up like everybody does, right, but you have to have that balance.
Speaker 4:I'm a Christian God-fearing man and my grandma's just watching this so therefore, I don't know what he's talking about Grandma.
Speaker 3:We'll pull the photographs of you out turning up and really get that reflection. But it really is like yeah, you have to have a balance, but you also have to know what works for you and just be in tune with yourself before you. That's the groundwork for doing the work for yourself. That's where the foundation lays Amen.
Speaker 2:And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, jermaine Davis, dr Isaiah Pickens and myself, jose Achanchez, thank you guys, thank you, and we're going to do just a quick Q&A. If you guys have any questions for us, we can just stay here in this position. Jermaine, you can stay here with us if you like, or you can go have your cocktail, because we know you be drinking. You just said it.
Speaker 3:Just turn to the shade, I sure will. Come on, man, turn up, I sure will.
Speaker 2:And so, yeah, we're just gonna have a quick, uh, just a few quick questions, um, and our mistress of ceremony, arielle Winfield is this on?
Speaker 4:can you hear me?
Speaker 2:hi, everybody a good fellas consultant and a very good company, which is my parent company.
Speaker 4:Yes, so it's nice to meet you all. I'm Arielle Winfield. Let's give it up one more time for the Goodfellas podcast, amazing, okay. So I'm going to kick it off with this Q&A and ask all of you guys some questions. So, hosea, let's start with you. Where did the idea for Goodfellas come from?
Speaker 2:Let's start with you, where did the idea for Goodfellas come from? Ooh, the idea for Goodfellas came from me really feeling like black men in particular were in a crisis in America and I don't want to get emotional about it, so I'm going to just push through the question. But I have two younger brothers and my younger brothers are in the current society and dealing with a lot of the same issues that every other black man young black man that we all know is dealing with, and I don't have children myself.
Speaker 2:I wanted to do something in my life that actually meant something for someone else. A lot of what I do as an actor, as a director, producer is a very self-serving business and I've done what I've done for me. I've done it all because I dreamt about it as a kid and this is what I wanted to do and this is what fulfilled me. But, as I know now, like Isidore always says, isidore Hall always says it's not what you do, but what you do with what you do that makes you who you are, and it really is what you do with what you do that determines the type of human being you are as you walk this earth. So I wanted to try to pour some of what the world has given me back into society by doing something good for black men, because I believe now is the time for us to reach across and hug and love one another as best as we can, because I know everybody in this audience knows that we are in a crisis. So this is my way of trying to do my part.
Speaker 4:That's amazing. Thank you for sharing that. So I want to ask you another question when did the name Goodfellas come from?
Speaker 2:Ooh, good question. Now. Goodfellas is very intentional. It is. The entire company is built off of pastels and, as you guys see you know the artwork and everything you'll see that there's no blacks, no browns, no grays.
Speaker 2:I had read quite a few studies years ago when I was actually doing the play Good Morning, and it's interesting how people see us. It's interesting how colors trigger people. It's interesting how people see us. It's interesting how colors trigger people. It's interesting how the experience that young brothers like Trayvon Martin and other black men go through label us in people's minds. It's interesting when I'm jogging in what is now an almost white neighborhood every morning and I have on my gray hoodie. It's very intentional, but it's interesting how I can see people move out of my way and I have on my gray hoodie. It's very intentional, but it's interesting how I can see people move out of my way and I want them to.
Speaker 2:But unfortunately, I know the intentionality behind how humans process things and a lot of young black men don't know, so I wanted to flip it on its ass.
Speaker 2:Everything is in pastels, which are colors that are known to disarm people, colors that are supposed to be inviting to people. It's intentional that it's good fellas because inherently black men, just like all men, at our core we are good. None of us are the markers that society places on us and I want to get emotional and push past it. So there's intentionality in the name of good fellas, and fella is because we are a friend to everybody. You know there's this myth that black men are angry, we mad at the fucking world, that we got chips on our shoulders and about certain things, just like white men and every other man we do. But at our core I'm from Alabama, montgomery, alabama, and I don't know nothing but fellas, friends and men who are are loving to one another from where I'm from. So in a way, everything that this company represents is designed to disarm what it means to be a black man. It's a flip the narrative.
Speaker 4:Amazing. So which has been your favorite episode so far?
Speaker 2:Favorite episode so far actually is the one we just shot. It's what? Well, yeah, this one too. I haven't seen this one yet. Y'all, I'm in it.
Speaker 2:But Ariel introduced me to this incredible gentleman. His name is Corey Jacobs, and Corey Jacobs has overcome 16 life sentences. He spent 17 years in jail and this brother, I'm telling you, barack Obama pardoned him on in his 17th year and Ariel brought this man into into my universe. I didn't know him, had never heard of him, and now I'm fascinated with his brother, his we interviewed him yesterday and his willpower and his mind power is like a samurai. I told him yesterday he reminded me of Bill Gates.
Speaker 2:This man spent 17 years in jail but, much like Mandela, he never spent a day in prison. And the thing is he said that he would get out with 16 life sentences ahead of him. He knew it. And that's what, if anything, I can give to black men, brown men and men of all ages that would listen to.
Speaker 2:What we have to say is that is your sauce, your mind is your universe, and if you can get past all the things that everybody has said to you, all the things that don't belong to you, all the things that other people think about you, to your real core power, you actually can shapeshift your life. You can change your life in the now and, as so many people believe that it's a fantasy, or we believe it's the law. It's God's law, and this man has figured out a way to use the law of God for the greater good of his life. And now that he's out of prison, it is his absolute duty to change every life that he encounters. This man, to me, is no different than a Barack Obama, a Nelson Mandela. There's just not as many people that know him, but he is a wonderful human being and I can't wait for you guys to see that episode.
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 2:So thank you yes.
Speaker 4:Corey is a great friend and just an incredible human being, and so I'm really excited for you guys to see the episode in a couple weeks when it comes out. I'm sure you will love it and love him. Um, so a couple more questions for you, jose, and then I'm going to open up to you guys as well and the audience.
Speaker 4:So be thinking of some questions, if you have some. Um. But, jose, how do you think that the show will help or heal black men and everybody that's listening? Because of course it's for black men, but of course it's for everybody else too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's what we say. It's. It's by black men, but it's for everyone because it's not. There's no specific science to this. This doesn't matter what color you are. It's just our opportunity to dive in and do something specific and intentional for our brothers, and this is actually something that we want to take. You know, and maybe a Latin man may want to do it for you know their community, but this is for black men, by black men, for everyone. I hope that it opens the doorways to freedom. I hope that the show, even if you see one thing or one episode that inspires you or your children or someone else, then I think I've done my job. Ultimately, I think, thinking our minds are our biggest asset or our biggest enemy, and if we can somehow give people just a nugget of influence in the right direction in our life, I think we did a really good job with this show.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so why was it important for you to do it now?
Speaker 2:Now because I actually think I maybe kind of answered that earlier is because I believe that black men are in a state of crises.
Speaker 2:I believe that where men are in a state of crises, I believe that where we are in society and as I look out into the landscape of our society, I don't see sections where we are strategically and intentionally being advanced and I feel like if we don't do something, you know we're gonna have a bunch of men and young men who have lost their way. So hopefully, you know, this inspires everybody here and everybody in the world to just have a conversation with a black man in the midst of, as we grow, women's rights and as we grow gay and trans rights and as we grow, you know, every other sector of life, as we are intentional about fighting for them. I think it's just as important for us to intentionally fight for black men and not when a black man's killed by a cop, like it has to be something that we actively do in our communities to lift our brothers up. And when we heal black men, we heal black women, because we know we're all a community, whether we like it or not.
Speaker 4:So yeah, that's my long form answer.
Speaker 2:And lastly, where do you see Goodfellas in five years or longer, I can take five. The one thing that I do know that I'm not going to do is give up. So whether the show is in my basement or in my bathroom or those the only options.
Speaker 2:I mean, that's the least common denominator, brother, a bathroom episode. What I don't want to do is, however the show however it grows. I don't want to do is, however the show however it grows. I don't want to, I don't want to limit what God has done and will do. I just want to make sure that I stay committed to whatever the cause is and as I continue to grow because I don't think that this will be something I'm doing for the rest of my life in this way I want to make sure that we continue to allow these conversations to be had amongst our people and not just, as you said, we can't forget black women, because black women are the foundation for all black men and, I believe, foundation for this country.
Speaker 2:Exactly, or even the world. Yeah, soul claps. So I just want to make sure that the work continues and the idea of the work transcends Goodfellas, the platform.
Speaker 4:Amazing. So opening it up to both you, jermaine and Dr Isaiah, what advice do you all have for little black boys out there?
Speaker 3:I think about how I constantly, on a day-to-day for me, making sure that little Jermaine feels safe, Little Jermaine feels like he can live his authentic truth and not have to worry about what people say and again, I know it's easier said than done, but that's a really. That's a. That's a big thing. Worrying about what others think any little black boy. I just encourage them to just be themselves. You know, truly enjoy the essence of who you are. You know being black is it's a lot, but it's also fun. It's my super power. No one can take that away from me and I use this to my advantage because it allows me to relish in my uniqueness of just being myself. I get the opportunity to be myself and not have to worry about anyone else, and I just want other little black boys to just be themselves.
Speaker 1:That's great.
Speaker 3:Yeah, y'all snap it up for him.
Speaker 1:My advice would be to know your power. It's not about changing the narrative, it's about revealing the narrative. We're already powerful. Our story didn't start with slavery. Our story started so far beyond slavery. And when you start to understand that that is what your lineage is you're the descendants of kings and queens and royalty you start acting like royalty and you know there's this educator.
Speaker 1:Her name was Rita Pierce. She passed now, but she had this great story. Some of you all may have seen her TED Talk and she talked about this classroom of students she had and she told the students you know what they gave y'all to me because y'all are special, y'all are so smart, y'all know how to do things. And so when you walk in this classroom, you stand up straight. You look straight because everyone's looking at you, everyone's looking at you, and they were like for real. And she was like, yes, but the way that they showed up, because of what she instilled in them, because of the power they knew they had, they were completely different people and it wasn't that they didn't have that already. It's just that she brought that out of them. She was able to extract that from them, and so my hope for our little boys and girls is that they understand that power and that all of us in here will mine that diamond that's inside our little boys and girls For sure.
Speaker 4:I think that's absolutely beautiful, wow, and it seems like that teacher knew something about cognitive psychology and all that.
Speaker 3:She was on top of it, she knew what she was talking about.
Speaker 4:Yes, and you mentioned earlier that you're a psychologist, so I would love to hear you know what made you decide to become a psychologist and a business owner.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it's the family business. My dad's a retired vice principal and my mom's a retired social worker in Southeast DC, and I grew up in a home that was filled with books and love and just so much. And I know this isn't the normal story, but I went to school to specialize in family psychology because I felt every child deserved what I got. Growing up, I grew up in such a warm household, and that's why I'm so passionate about telling these stories, because it's a narrative that exists but we don't tell it enough. And so I wanted to get into this work where I could really build that.
Speaker 1:And so I've been a psychologist for many years. I've worked in a lot of places Rikers Island, jail schools, justice agencies, child welfare and now I have a business that focuses on how do we transform work cultures to build work cultures where people actually want to stay. I know that's hard to believe, but build work cultures where people actually want to stay by actually growing the emotional intelligence of people at the workforce, because no one leaves their job because of a boss, right? No?
Speaker 2:Yeah, everyone leaves their job.
Speaker 3:I know that never happens. I hate that person. You're overstimulated.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so I wanted to get into the work and be an entrepreneur, partially because I felt the systems that we were a part of, or that I was a part of, didn't allow me. I was faculty at NYU, ucla, did a lot of work in a lot of different places, but I didn't feel like we were able to adapt it to really address the needs in our culture, and so I wanted to take what I learned, which is great lessons and things that are very healing, but do it in a way that adapts for our culture, other cultures, but beyond just this narrow vision of it. And so you know, if you don't see it, do it yourself. And so I did it myself, and that's why I chose this path.
Speaker 4:Nice. And yeah, yes, yeah, you mentioned your childhood as well. What were some of the things that you wish you knew as a young man growing up, especially as a young black man?
Speaker 1:Yes, great. I mean. I think I wish I understood how much you have to care for yourself in a healthy way, not in a problematic way. But I think you're taught, especially as a young black boy, that you need to be independent, like you're constantly pushing towards independence and you're forced to grow up earlier than you have to be independent. You're constantly pushing towards independence and you're forced to grow up earlier than you have to To really be able to revel in joy and to be able to sit with. That is something that I wish I had even more nurturing around.
Speaker 1:I think, in particular, one of the things that really I was passionate about as a young person and kind of speaks to where I am at now, is that you don't have to follow someone else's path. You can blaze your own right, and I think that you go to school, and one of the things that I think that you go to school and one of the things that I think is so problematic with the way we deal, particularly with our black boys, is we're so focused on compliance instead of innovation, like the thing you're doing, that you're not following what I'm saying, instead of me saying like follow these rules, follow these rules, like what are you trying to create, like? What are you trying to do? That's different. There needs to be discipline. I'm not saying just let them run wild, but I think that that policing of our young people is taking away the visions that they have to potentially change the world in ways, because we want them to follow the rules.
Speaker 4:Right, it's so much about conformity, and I feel like uniqueness is really our superpower. You know God made you unique for a reason, so I would love to hear your perspective on what you wish you knew as a young black boy growing up, and Jose, if you want to chime in as well, would love to hear that too.
Speaker 3:I think it goes back to what you said. Just I wish I would have known my superpower. And that starts, you know, with that family and you know I realized that there were systems broken in my family and how it could have been better. But also you know my mom, in lieu of my dad not being there, and just my family dynamic. My mom made a great choice to make sure that we had community In lieu of not having this. I'm going to make it for it over here.
Speaker 3:She always poured into me by putting me into great programs that were immersed in the arts but also that had a healthy reflection of who I was. She did her best with what she had in making sure that I knew that I was special and I was unique and that I could do anything, that I literally put my mind to my mom and I had a deal that if I was transparent in what I wanted, you know she had expectations for me. You know good grades, good behavior, but also how could she help me to thrive, to get to where I wanted to be? But it started with knowing my potential and I didn't really understand my potential and my superpower until I got older. But that definitely would have shaped me into a better person, for sure.
Speaker 4:Any thoughts?
Speaker 2:Jose. Yeah, some claps for you, brother. I wish it's a lot that I do. Wish that I don't have any regrets about my life at all, because I know now what I said earlier that everything that happens is used for the greater good of our lives, and I mean everything I wish I had known. Said earlier that everything that happens is used for the greater good of our lives, and I mean everything I wish I had known that earlier, because I believe I let, as a young boy, I let a lot of things that happened to me affect me in a way that in ways they were setbacks, and now that I know the truth that God uses everything and everything that we encounter in our lifetime unless we surrender to it, it is always going to make you better in some ways. So I wish I had known that a lot earlier, because I gave my power away to a lot of circumstances as a young black boy.
Speaker 4:Love that, love that. I'll also ask you guys how do you overcome setbacks? I know you were mentioning prayer and meditation and all these other things that you guys enable and act to free your mind and live a good life. Is there any other things that you want to add to that?
Speaker 3:I mean for me really understanding the path to obtain success. When I see a goal that I wanna achieve, I really just ask myself. I have a quote that I always say made the space between where I am and where I wanna be inspire me right? So I look at the goal I want to achieve and I find out what are the steps that I need to take in order to achieve that goal, and I just do it. I mean it's really just monopolizing off your community. Ask for support, ask for what you want. The worst someone could do, I've learned, is tell you no. You tell me no. Now I'm really going to do the thing that you told me no to, just so I can prove to you that I did this without you anyway. But you know I'm going to do it and I'm going to find a way.
Speaker 1:I'm always going to find a way because I deserve that. I mean, I think that's right on target. The one thing I'll say is I really have learned that my fears are not my reality, and it's hard to separate the two. But the moment you really realize that you start taking risks, and then you surprise yourself about what you can do and how many people will show up for you because you took that risk- Absolutely.
Speaker 2:And what I do is simple and is very literal, is compartmentalization. I have learned to compartmentalize my life to care for myself, and that's something that the first 40 years of my life I didn't do because I believe that my responsibility was to carry other people, and now I prioritize myself in a way. So I'm, in a way, the healthiest I've been physically, mentally and emotionally because I've learned how to prioritize myself and compartmentalize all other things behind myself and my relationship with God. So those are the active things that I do is prioritizing what things need to take precedence in my life behind me and God and my relationship with God.
Speaker 4:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:And that's really boundaries, yes, and priorities We've had this conversation.
Speaker 4:They're two in the same.
Speaker 2:We always disagree on this Because compartmentalization is like healthy boundaries.
Speaker 3:That's what that is compartment Healthy boundaries.
Speaker 1:That's what that is.
Speaker 2:Compartmentalization.
Speaker 3:Call the spade a spade. It's boundaries Right.
Speaker 4:Boundaries is a good term to use, for sure. Well, thank you guys for such thoughtful and insightful answers. The last thing I'll ask you guys, mostly towards Hosea, is how can everybody get involved with Goodfellas?
Speaker 2:Well one. You guys can support our show. You can support our podcast at Goodfellas PC, which stands for well it sounds like politically correct, but it's not.
Speaker 2:It's a podcast Goodfellas PC. Watch the show. Share the show. Like the show. Subscribe. Watch the show. Share the show like the show. Subscribe to the show on YouTube it's wherever you get your podcasts, and we are actually going to introduce, at the end of this season, what we call Goodfellas Heroes, and what Goodfellas Heroes are is everyday people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sure, we interview celebrities and we talk to people with influence, but I really wanted to create a vertical to connect with everyday people and celebrate everyday black men who do phenomenal things just by showing up and it's not something really phenomenal, it's just what you do and so I wanted to extend this platform to everyday people so everybody can upload, you know, a picture and a testimony of whoever it is that inspires you, whatever black man inspires you in your life and on your journey Maybe it's just your dad who cooks your breakfast for you in the morning, you know, or your grandfather who prays for you every Sunday but a way that we can outreach to our brothers and extend past this veil of celebrity and you know this stuff and reach back into the community and show the people that we all love who are watching these shows and these episodes, and so you can show them and actively use what the Goodfellas motto is in your life for everyday people. Use what the Goodfellas motto is in your life for everyday people. So that's something that at the end of this season we'll be introducing, because I really wanted to make sure that when we're done with our 12 episodes, we didn't just drop people off and we still stay connected with people. So that's how we'll stay connected and hopefully you guys will share that and engage with us. That's another thing that I really want to make sure that we do.
Speaker 2:I didn't want to just be a person, an actor, a celebrity or whatever doing a podcast and I'm so distant from the world. This is my way of connecting grassroots in a way to help black men be the best that they can be any way possible, and then Goodfellas Heroes will allow you guys to help us help everyday black men be the best that they can be. So I think that's the best way that you guys could contribute to the community, just by showing up for the community, and we'll tell you what to do. We're going to have some stuff that y'all got to do, so we'll have some marching orders and some things that we want you guys to get involved with and to just share the message. As much as you can, inbox us, message us If you have ideas. That's the other thing. We don't know everything. It's a very small company and we're growing. We need you guys.
Speaker 3:We need your help. I need you guys to help us. Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2:Love that. Yeah, put Shauna Light in some dark areas and places where people don't have a voice. So help us, help other people. That's the best thing you could do.
Speaker 4:Yes, we're building a community here at Goodfellas, so we would love for you to be a part of it. Just like Jermaine builds community, we're doing the same. So, yes, thank you for those answers We'd love to hear.
Speaker 2:Thank you guys, thank you. I'd like to thank you guys personally for watching today's episode, and I'd also like to ask you to spread the word about our community. We're small and we're mighty, but we're healing and growing as men, and thank you in advance for helping share that. So if you want to help us keep the conversation going or if you need to have a chat yourself, you can always reach out to us on our Facebook, our Instagram or our TikTok. Fellas, let's grow.
